Oliver Anthony Paulson Tate

Born June 14, 2021.   7lbs, 3 oz.  20 inches long.  Despite all tests- the ones I consented to- coming out fine, my midwife and the doctors at the practice were so nervous about my pregnancy.  I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes- by one point over, and they were giving me all the worst case scenarios- despite my numbers being fine, my weekly ultrasounds normal, and my non-stress tests perfect.  I pushed to not be induced before forty weeks, and one doctor gave me the lecture that I was endangering the baby.

Yep.  I'm forty-three, and this is my sixth baby.  And I still was so nervous.  All for nothing.  Oliver Anthony was born healthy and happy.  He was my second smallest baby, probably due to the severe diet I was on, but it hasn't seemed to hold him back.  

There he is, our tiny, wrinkly guy, just born.  He was a furry little guy, and had tufted ears.  He looked so much like Lucy in his ultrasound photos, and he still does.

(Look at that crease between his eyes!)  I was so unprepared for his birth mentally- I really didn't believe that we were going to have a baby until I held him in my arms, and even then, it still felt like a surprise.  I know, so well, how blessed I am.  To have another baby at this stage, to nurse another baby, to add another person to our family...God's goodness is overwhelming.

 

The insanity of May 2021

 So, so much is going on.  I haven't posted in over a year, despite spending a lot of quality time at home.  From April 2020 to May 2021, we have been a little shaken by a lot of normal things, and a few unexpected ones.

In May of 2020,  the grass was fresh and new, and the air was finally warm enough to enjoy, and we had been cooped inside all winter with a March and April of shutdown.  I went outside wearing shoes and socks, like a sucker, to keep away the mosquitoes from my delicate feet- and my feet really were delicate, because in five seconds, I slid and twisted my ankle and broke it in FOUR places.

So my summer was spent in a chair, crawling up to the third floor to go to bed, everything difficult and annoying- Josh made me breakfast and dinner for a long time, and one week we ate rice seven times.  It did not reveal my best self.  I was miserable.  Up here in Northern Maine, winter feels so forever long, and summer is our relief, and I felt like I missed it.  In early August I was able to walk on it sparingly, and we went to the Lake House in Vermont, but it didn't really feel better until November.I told myself that I would do lots of writing while I was stuck in bed/chair, but I didn't.  I did watch a lot of tv.  I practiced my guitar until the winter hibernation mode kicked in.  

But I did feel so much better by November!  I've been so thankful for the use of my foot.  Its been just over a year, and it feels mostly back to normal, except it seems to swell a little faster than normal.  

And my ankles are swelling, just like my belly, despite losing weight since my sedentary period last summer, because Josh and I are expecting another baby on June 6th!  Unexpected, unplanned, and honestly, unconsidered.  I had given up trying to convince Josh that we we not done, having the thought that 40 years old would be too old for a baby, but God planned something different for us, and our next baby boy will be here soon.  I'll admit to feeling shocked, and surprised, and having an incredibly hard time trying to picture a baby in our house again, but I have come to a place of intense gratitude.  I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to be pregnant again, even though this pregnancy has been marked by less energy and a miserable diagnosis of gestational diabetes that has made everything more complicated.  I get to again experience a baby growing and moving inside of me, and feel the connection that is unique to pregnancy.  I worry because the doctor's worry- they are so worried, not because their tests reveal anything wrong, but because I'm 43, and statistically at a higher risk for everything.  I pray through it all and know that I would never do anything different- that this gift of pregnancy and a growing baby is enough in itself, even if everything that could go wrong does.

And I pray that nothing goes wrong, and that I'm a made into a better mother with every week that passes, for all of my kids.

Especially since Josh and I have come to a stage where we are changing how we parent once of our children dramatically.  Bowden graduates June 4th from Washburn High School, and is planning on living at home and attending the University of Maine in Presque Isle in the fall, although he will be living at home.  This next week is supposed to be full of all kinds of activity and craziness, and then on June 10th he will turn 18.  He's always been an amazing guy- I'm biased and I know it- but Im also convinced that its objectively true.  He is fun-loving, and an incredible speaker, and so confident.  He's always been his own person, and I can't wait to see what path he takes in the next few years.  I'm so glad that he's sticking around for the next few years- his baby brother needs to get to know him.

Bowden and Lucy and Jack are all playing baseball/softball this year, and we are so grateful for a small school that has been open most of the year, and has offered all of the typical things- despite the amount of driving to practices and games I do.  We really love this town and our school, and I especially love having my kindergartner and my senior in the same campus.

My mom and Eric and my sister are coming out for the graduation- its been 2 years since I've seen them, and I can't wait.  We have three days to get everything ready, and I'm trying not to count down...the visit is so short that I want to be present in each moment.

Jack graduates from middle school this year- he's been so impressive in how dedicated and creative he's been in school and out.  He's hard on himself, but he pushes himself to be successful in school and sports.  His perspective is as interesting and unusual as ever.

That's just a taste of this upcoming month, an I know it holds a lot that I can't picture right now.  Im wavering between wishing all of the busy-ness was over, and wanting to slow it all down.

We've practiced for this!

Do you know what moving far from your family and everything you know feels like?  Kind of like quarantine.  Knowing that it gets better and better is helpful, too!

This Month in Isolation Pictures

     I've never been as thankful for my houseload of kids as I have been this last month.  I also have never been as thankful for our giant house- the Plywood Palace, we call it.  If we have to stay home, it's so nice to stay home with this group of people we love, in a place with space enough for all of us.
    
     For us, social distancing in Northern Maine means that we don't go outside very often.  It's been cold and snowy for most of this time, as although we can feel and see Spring coming, she comes slowly, and in fits and starts, and then seems to abandon us altogether for days. 

     So- here is what we have done at home this frigid March and fickle April. 

     We have played games, done crafts, done homework- the kids are all enrolled in public school right now, and this semi-return to homeschooling is uncomfortable.  It's all of the worst parts of homeschooling- the worksheets, the confusing assignments, the differing schedules for different kids- and none of the best parts.  I miss the freedom and fun of homeschooling, the curriculum picked because it fits us well, the parts that stretch our minds and understanding in ways that are good.  I do think that I'm comfortable with pushing aside the things that don't work or cause unnecessary stress on everyone because we homeschooled.  The kids school, principal, teachers and lunch ladies have all been very accommodating and wonderful in the midst of all of this, too.

     We have tried to go outside as much as we can, but the weather in unfriendly and I'm a wimp about snow and cold.  So are most of my kids- California's mild winters and Florida's lack of real cold made us a little tender- but maybe we just need time?

 I have no pictures of the ENORMOUS amounts of television that my kids and I have watched.  We have been watching through the Star Trek shows, starting with The Next Generation, since we moved up here to Northern Maine, and by the time we started all of this, we had worked our way up to Voyager- maybe my favorite.  So- we watch that, and sometimes Psych, sometimes Merlin.  The kids watched through Gravity Falls and Over the Garden Wall again.  Lucy and Josh and I watched Mean Girls and Clueless.  Bowden has his own tv and PS4 and phone and has spent a lot of time connecting with his friends that way.  He bought all of it with his own money, and while we try to limit time on wi-fi, its definitely what he has spent the majority of his time on. 

     We have also read a ton of books- I had a stack out from the library and have been able to take my time reading through it all.  Bowden got some Bill Bryson books for his birthday, and Lucy has been rereading some of her favorites.  We have really enjoyed the amount of authors reading their book on livestreams- our favorites are Andrew Peterson's Wingfeather Saga, and Glenn McCarty's The Misadventured Summer of Tumbleweed Thompson.  Both authors employ strange and wonderful accents and treats in the midst of all of this.

    Our house- have I talked about our house? Our house is a giant- 4600 square feet, 2400 of that unfinished.  It used to be a supermarket, so the downstairs is open.  The top two stories were the living space for the former owners, but we use it all- downstairs is our pool table, ping-pong table, foos ball game, two arcade games, and our couch and tv.  Its a luxury, and we are very thankful to have it.  Although, like anything that people of means have, lots of it goes unused.  We have a room that we have been fixing up for Bowden to move into, but for this season, I moved the bed out of the room and we brought all of our legos down so that they can stay out and all over in that room.  None of this is even the house's best feature!

    The house stands on the bank of Salmon Brook in the middle of our town.  It is located where the old mill used to be, and because of this, has the most wonderful view and access to the Brook in all of its changing beauty.  We are in town, but its a small town, so we see stars at night, and listen to the brook become a freshet in the Spring.  We moved into the house before we could visit it,not knowing what to expect, and Salmon Brook feels like a specific gift from God.  An small bit of the good Grace that has been given to us in abundance.

     We are wishing that we could be closer to our friends, but we are thankful in this season, and grateful to be well and together.

Ping-pong tournament!  Josh won.

He hates it when I take his picture.

We did puzzles, of course.  But I think we did five, and I feel like that's enough for a year.  Or at least until next month.

Church on Bowden's laptop.

Miles' teacher sent him skittles to do a math packet with. 

Salmon brook March 29, 2020

Zooming with my mom and Rosie, and her kids.

45 degrees is now warm enough to sit outside without jackets. Or sweaters.  If you are young and unwise.

More church!

Lucy hates having her picture taken.

She turtled up.

Charlie.  Five and a half.

Salmon Brook, April 8, 2020

Haircuts, as weird as we want.  Why not?  Now is the time to try all of the styles we want to.

Tilly benefits from all of  the soft beanbags and blankets that are left lying around.

The Easter spread

Church!

Salmon Brook, April 14, 2020

A Garagan Rockroach by Jack, from Andrew Peterson's Wingfeather Saga

Lucy's haircut. 

Bowden caught up to Josh somewhere during this isolation. 

Josh's rock wall.  We sat outside on a day when it got just above 50 and soaked up the sun.

Good-dog-Tilly and Josh and his wall.

Salmon Brook, April 21, 2020

School lunches are sent home with applesauce for most days.  Miles made some kind of disturbing drink out of it all.

Salmon Brook, April 22, 2020.

Here are a few photos to start the summer.

Jack and Lucy and I in Wells, Maine- we drove down to see my niece Grace Tate (Joel and Christine's second) graduate from high school.  Bowden was too cool to look at the ocean and Miles is the pokiest puppy.  I think Charlie was asleep in his carseat.

Squishing my boy in the airport before he left for California. Bowden turned 15 the day before this picture.

Lucy on Rock Dundar, on the shores of Lake Champlain.  Living in Maine means that we are a short 81/2 hours away from Josh's family- much better than the 22 from Florida.

On the way home from Vermont, I picked up Ruslan- in green- and two brothers that a friend of mine is hosting.  Ruslan is near fluent in English, and acted asa translator for Ivan and Illia.

Miles gave up his room for Ruslan (pronounce roos-lawn.). This is a picture of him settling into his new room.

The view from our parking lot.  This is Salmon Brook.

Enjoying the indoor pool at the University of Maine in Presque Isle.  The nearest public pool doesn't open up until June 27th.

Soft serve in a million different flavors from Houlton Farms Dairy Bar.

The Ukrainian boys opted for cokes.

Tilly watching a cat, and wanting me to be aware.

The boys spending happy moments making their own board games.

Another summer, and the days swim by...

I'm typing this from my table on the second story of my strange house in Northern Maine- I look out over a lovely, long brook and a public playground, and Jack walking in circles with one of his zip-ties, face scrunched up, making noises for whatever the zip-tie is meant to be at this moment, in this game.  He's walking in our parking lot- maybe the biggest parking lot in the small town of Washburn, Maine.  Our house used to sit on top of Sperrey's Superette, one of two grocery stores in the town, and now sits over 2,400 square feet of unfinished something.  We like the possibility of it, the potential, but potential unused becomes something less appealing, so it is our giant living room/ playroom.  The house/store was built in 1901 on the site of the old Mill, but it lacks all the charm of an older house.  Instead, it is strange.  Three staircases, one of them a metal spiral staircase, and all of them at least a little scary.  A three-person tub with whirlpool jets on the third floor!  Two handicap accessible showers downstairs 90 percent installed.  A cluster of small rooms on the first floor for my oldest.  A few spots are normal- the rest is just a little off.  Maybe this is the house that suits us best.  Awkward, a little uncomfortable, and with a lot of things unfinished?  Maybe.

Josh took a new job as the pastor of a church up here- State Road Advent Christian Church.  We left our people in Lulu with enormous amounts of regret, but, for me, very little sorrow at leaving the hot, humid south.  Our Lulu Church weighs heavily on our hearts- they still have no pastor, and some of them saw our leaving as an end for the church as a whole.  

God called us on, and we went.  

We were met up here, in Presque Isle, with generosity and love, two things that have seemed to pour from every church we have called home.  Friendships seemed to open up in a shockingly fast way, and because of some heartache and trouble with friendships in Florida, I'm determined to enjoy these relationships for as long as they last, and expect nothing more than they give.  It is a supernatural gift, friendship, and I am thankful for the miracle it is.  

We need it this summer, especially.  I have four boys downstair, but one of them is just mine on loan. Bowden is at Camp Maranatha woking for the summer on summer staff, the same place that he grew up in, that Josh and I met and were married in, the camp that held so much of my childhood magic as a camper.  Lucy is in Vermont and traveling in Washington D.C. for the month with her cousins, getting in her girl time, and we are hosting a boy from Ukraine this summer, Ruslan.  My two older helpers are gone and I've added on another 15 year old boy.  It isn't the most relaxing summer. 

I would say more about hosting Ruslan right now, but its been a week and a half, and its so hard right now that I don't want to say anything about it, because it isn't all I want to remember.

In September, we were gifted a wonderful stay at a fellow pastor's vacation home- a lovely little pink house with shells everywhere and two huge rooms just perfect for all of us.  We were just a walk away from the white sands and calm, clear ocean, and we spent more time than my pale and sand-hating husband understood, but it was just lovely.  I have pictures on my phone, but I only pulled out my big camera for these few on the first day.

It had a fenced yard for the dog, a golf cart to drive us the two blocks beachward and lots and lots of shells and quality family time.  This was the trip that we watched Knight Rider together, so that's notable.