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This is usually the time of year when I announce that we are having another baby...but we're not. While I would love to have two more chickens, at least, Josh is done. Done, done.
This is the first time since we started having children that we are not having any.
And I don't know really what I should feel.
I feel young and healthy, and I feel like having children is something I love to do...and I want a big family (you can say all you want that four is big, but it's not.) I love being pregnant, and while I lose my temper with my kids more than I'd like to, I feel like we're a good family to be a part of.
I'm not sure that we should stop having children- that to be fertile is to be gifted, and to not use it is to take something that God has given us for granted, or even to sin.
Josh, obviously, does not feel this way. He is a man to do what is right, and I know that if he felt like not having children was wrong, he would do it, whether or not he wanted to. In fact, I believe that he would want to, if he felt like he was supposed to.
I don't want to regret this for the rest of my life. I want to feel the same way he does- I want to feel relieved. I want to feel like we're complete, if we are.
Since we are a union, a nation of two that became six that will go back to two in twenty years or so, and we act in unison as much as we are able, we are not pregnant.
I don't take the babies I have for granted, nor do I ignore the miracle it has been to have four pregnancies blessed on me, but...I'm kind of sad.


Aw, hun. I just posted on my blog about my wife going naked in public, but this wasn't the kind of naked I meant. I love that you love being a Mom.
It's real. I like real.
sarah said…
Naked? WHAT? I need to get over there.
The Sauce said…
"a nation of two that became six" is awesome. I love it.
The Brunetts said…
This one made me sad. I'm praying for peace, but I'm happy that if you only get your four - they are four fantastic tater tots!
Annie said…
You are a beautiful person, Sarah Christine Paulson Tate!
abigail said…
This made me sad for you.

I have been thankful so many times that God brought John and I independently to the same belief on child-bearing, so that when we first married we found ourselves in perfect harmony regarding the issue.

It has saved my heart some ache.

We have only a few Protestant friends who believe the same, however, and I always feel sad for ME, too, when I hear this news. Faithful parents like you and Josh, who raise your loans from God in Truth and righteousness, are priceless to the Church and bring Christ glory through many generations. I always rejoice to hear that He has chosen to bless your nation with another.

That said (and with a brimful heart, there's so much more to say even though I've probably said too much already), I'm so thankful for your response to Josh's desire. I have a different view than he does, but, even so, I believe God honors your faithfulness to your husband. You are blessed to have each other, and he is blessed to have a wife like you.

p.s. And I hope Josh doesn't hate me for this, but it's not wrong for me to pray that God sees fit to again foil the plans of mice and men, is it?! :)
If my plans are out of step with God's will than foil away. I have no prideful desire to resist God's correction or counsel. Pray that God would bring Sarah and I into full agreement with His will for our family.
abigail said…

I hopped back on because I wanted to get here before you or Sarah read my previous comment so I could apologize for sounding judgmental (if I did) because we have different viewpoints. That's the LAST way I feel.

I've always (and still do) admire the way you and Sarah live so unabashedly for Christ, and I love to see that reflected in your chickens. It's easier to feel sad about a nation closing borders when its original two members have such zeal for Truth.

As a mother, I can't help but feel sisterhood with those longings for the particular blessing of children, and to wonder, had John and I not been directed to one view, if God would grant me the grace to act as Sarah is acting now. I respect her balance of honesty about her struggle and her clear statements of love and honor to you.

I hope that I didn't come across as being critical, Josh. I tend to trip up in electronic communications, generally, and can cause offense when none is intended. I will pray for unity of heart and fullness of joy for you two and for your whole family.

God bless you.
sarah said…
You're never offensive, Fabigail, and I'm glad that you didn't have a chance to delete it. I love you, tons, and I like having you praying on my side, although I'll be happy with agreement.
Thanks, all!
Can I put you on my list?????

See my blog from a few posts ago regarding my current prayer.

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